Rugby-tackling yellow-eyed penguins
and clasping a hand around their bills
- so they'll regurgitate not over him but
into his sister's special red plastic bucket
for her doctoral research - is sweet as;
affords him some close-season practice:
Stratford envisions every bird as a lanky
tight-head prop of his hometown club's
oldest, bitterest, most gobshite local rivals.
In Queensland's Outback, just days before,
he spent a long yet entertaining fortnight
culling goats, for which the chopper pilot
who collected him handed over a tenner
for each of the three-hundred pairs of ears.
Now Stratford self-describes as a No Worries
Freelance International Fauna and Avifauna
Management Consultant, at your service.